The Disconnect

By Andrew R. Duckworth

People are more disconnected than they have been in decades. There are plenty of places to point the blame. We can take a long look at things such as, ironically enough, social media-the thing that was supposed to connect the world but led to a movement that can best be described as anti-social. And, because it is much easier to scream on social media rather than hold a conversation, we no longer have conversations. There are, rather, shouting matches that ensue between people who have never met over things that require conversations for progress on such issues to take place.

For the longest time, admittedly, I was part of this problem-this idea that change can take place over the internet. Do not misunderstand me. The internet, global communication, has done wonders in bringing to light issues that may not have been dealt with for decades otherwise. However, there is a massive difference between acknowledging a problem and solving a problem. Acknowledgement would be the first step of the process, but it is not the solution.

Solutions are hard to come by. The larger the issue, the more difficult the solution. However, a solution always requires meaningful communication. Meaningful communication, as convenient as it may seem, cannot be conducted behind a keyboard.

I remember when text messaging first became the norm (showing my age, I know). Recalling those days now brings me back to a time when context was largely tossed out the window. When context is gone, messaging becomes difficult. I remember the first time I got that dreaded “K” text message, the message that can mean both “okay” or affirming something, but can also signal annoyance. Some would send a quick “K” because, let’s face it, it’s easy. It’s easy communication meaning “I understand” or “okay.” Yet, some would send “K” to mean “I’m over this” or “I’m done with this conversation.” Behind the keyboard, how is one ever supposed to know?

I realize that this is a very simple example in a world full of much more complicated examples. However, in a way, that is entirely my point. By speaking to each other behind a keyboard, we lose a lot of context. Vocal inflection is gone, tone is gone, etc. We are communicating without ever really communicating. Not to mention, when we are not speaking with someone face to face, it is much easier to disregard another’s feelings, ideas, experiences, etc. If someone says one thing and the context is stripped away, the message could be taken as something else entirely.

But, now we live in a world where it is much more convenient to sit behind the keyboard or exercise our thumbs on our smartphone than hold face to face conversations. Our time is occupied by other things perceived to be much more important. However, this mentality has led to a more divided world. Nowadays, it is much more convenient to disregard and disrespect, to detach the humanity from the words on a forum, text, or piece of writing.

Recently, I watched a video of someone at the Magic Kingdom theme park in Walt Disney World where the person went up to random people and offered a hug. The goal was on the video subject’s shirt- to be the reason others have faith in humanity (these aren’t the exact words but the basic message). I was moved by it and, simultaneously, embittered by it. I was happy that someone was doing something to show that they cared, not about those closest to them, but rather those they didn’t even know. I was surprised by the amount of people who took up the offer of a hug, some of them looking like they rarely got that sort of communication. I was embittered by it due to the fact that it showed just how far humanity has fallen, that it takes a single stranger determined enough to make a difference to wake people up and show the truth- the disconnect is something we have done to ourselves. Every one of us can be that person, the person who cares enough to show other people that they are not alone. But we are often far more comfortable behind the keyboard.

Meaningful communication is often uncomfortable! It always has been. Why would it ever be otherwise? When there are significant issues, personal issues, at stake, how could it ever be “comfortable”? Yet, the question rests with every one of us individually. Are we content stripping away context and stripping away each other’s humanity, or are we willing to come to the table? Even more, are we willing to sit at the table across from others and meet them eye to eye? Are we willing to save room for others at the table? Are we willing to have our ideas and conceptions challenged? And, when that happens, are we willing to accept it in good faith?

We may still walk away from the table disconnected. That is and has always been a possibility. But, the lack of trying, the lack of meaningful conversation, has become burdensome and tiring. It is, at best, problematic. No nuance can occur in an echo chamber. No progress can occur when parties are unwilling to listen and unwilling to speak. So, rather than talking over others, rather than disregarding experiences, I hope to be more committed to taking a seat at the table, to saving room at the table, to actually speaking and listening. We can all play a part in being more connected and stamping out the methods of disconnection.