I Still Have

By Andrew R. Duckworth

I once said “I suffer
From depression.”
I still have depression,
But I do not suffer.
Suffer would imply
That my defenses have failed,
That my fists have given up,
That I have no candle
In the darkened room.
I fight with the ghost
Of building bitterness,
Wrestle with warring doubt.
I still have depression,
But I refuse to lay down
Like past days
When it seized my time,
Little by little,
Shackling me, body and soul,
In the darkened room,
As I lacked energy and will.
We must find the light
Often hidden by the gray mist
That conflates fighting
With waiting.
I still have depression,
But I journey through the mist,
Shaking off the shackles,
Guided by a torch of truth,
The truth of survivability,
The truth of a peace
That exists in the candle
In the darkened room,
The truth that gives will and way.
I do not suffer.
I endure- I prevail
With a torch leading the way
To the peace that exists
In the candle in the dark room.
And by the light,
The room is no longer dark.
I still have depression,
But I do not suffer.