Fall

What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

By Andrew R. Duckworth

I suppose, if I’m being honest, we’re all afraid of death and dying—even the most spiritual people in the world. There is a door you go through, and you never return. It isn’t to say that it’s the end of the story. My faith dictates otherwise. But to say that much of that journey is not obscured in mystery would be a lie of diabolical proportions.

At what point does the pain stop? When does feeling end and whatever else that comes begin? is there a waiting room? Does time continue to stretch on until it ends along with the living? If so, are we just suspended in waiting for days, years, centuries? There are too many unanswered questions and theological arguments for my taste.

But if I had to explore the fear that bleeds into that first fear, it would be the fear of falling. Heights? I’m not so sure. I’m fine in a plane, I’m fine on a mountaintop. But put me in a situation in which it seems as though I can fall from a certain height, and it is crippling.

I remember seeing a viral video some time ago where tourists were on a glass catwalk extending out from a high cliff. Just seeing it made me feel as though I could vomit, or, at the least, embrace the floor below me. I thought at that point I would never be able to conquer a fear that was so gripping. What would happen if the no doubt extremely thick glass shattered or even cracked? I didn’t want to know.

On a trip to Orlando, I was able to, in part, conquer this fear to a degree. I’ve always hated rollercoasters. My wife loves them. But one rollercoaster in particular I decided I had to go on. I never know if I’ll ever have the opportunity to go again, so then would be the time. Velocicoaster. I’m a huge fan of the Jurassic franchise. If I was going to do any coaster that has inversions, it would be Velocicoaster. The only thing I was slightly hesitant about was the top hat, the tallest portion of the ride. But, after I was in the seat and the restraints were on, there wasn’t much I could do about it.

The ride isn’t long and is fairly fast with two launches. The first launch wasn’t bad. The second launch, surprisingly, was fairly jolting and it is the second launch that leads up to the top hat. I remember keeping my eyes open for a split second and feeling a sudden rush of nausea—not from the speed or from the falling feeling, but from the height I was at. I shut my eyes fairly fast. It wasn’t much longer until we were back in the station.

To this day, I still can’t handle being put in a position where falling from a certain height is a possibility. I can barely stand next to windows in a tall building. I’m getting better about that, but I imagine this fear of falling is one that might stick around for some time.