Memory of Moments Past

By Andrew R. Duckworth

At the moment, I recall many times in which I attempt to remember something but cannot. What is it I’m trying to remember? Oh, that just depends. But it calls to mind my memory of things that I cannot recall, things that I had to be reminded of but, for whatever reason, can’t remember myself. Sound confusing? Tell me about it…

It brings up an important point. In my past, I’ve dealt with trauma. It’s there, half buried—half forgotten, the other half working overtime to interfere in daily life. It’s the parts that I remember that are painful… what unimaginable things has my mind blocked from causing more damage?

Do I mention this to garner some attention or lay claim to victimized person of the year? No. I don’t personally feel any more victimized than any other person, and it is my thought that most people have a great deal of trauma in their life. There are simply radically different ways that people handle such trauma. Some have control of it, some deal with it in healthy ways, some take to the bottle, some have little control of it. But, nonetheless, I think everyone has some level of trauma impacting their mental health.

Memory loss can be influenced by trauma. Occasionally, the mind blocks events from being accessed—a sort of self preservation. This doesn’t seem to happen to everyone and I don’t reckon there is much rhyme or reason concerning the events that can trigger it. Every mind is different and every individual has what they can and can’t handle. I don’t know the specifics behind the brain and psychology. But I understand that much at least. What I worry about and wonder about is if the brain can somehow go a bit overboard in blocking memories, perhaps blocking things that don’t need to be blocked, etc. There’s so much about the subconscious we really have no idea about.

There was a story recently being recalled by a family member, one that I was very much present for, very much participated in, but have no memory of. My family member seemed flabbergasted, as if to somehow ask how I could possibly forget. It wasn’t a moment of trauma or tragedy. It was just a normal, everyday moment, but one that bore at least enough importance to warrant memory of the occasion. Yet, there I was having no memory of it at all. If it were just this occasion, I could pass it off as just that. Yet, there seems to be a pattern of these occurrences, where others remember events I was apart of and I cannot.

There are a number of things that can explain this, of course. Priority is one. It may not be my priority to remember such things, subconsciously. Of course, there is another explanation that perhaps the world around us is offering so many distractions that it can drastically alter our memory of events or erase the memory entirely. Yet, I still wonder whether it was the trauma I’ve dealt with that causes some of the loss of memory.

Therefore, I plan on taking different approaches in the way I live my life. For one, I plan on minimizing distractions. Sometimes, this can’t be avoided. However, there are measures I can take to minimize these distractions. I also plan on dedicating more attention to my surroundings and what goes on around me. If I do these things and trauma is not a factor, I can expect my memory of specific moments to be a bit better.