Has your idea of what makes a good friend changed as you’ve gotten older?
By Andrew R. Duckworth
When I was young, I did what many youngsters do today—I looked for validation. I wanted to be validated in everything. If I had something to say, I wanted others to back me up, regardless if it was correct or not. I was proud, and not in the good way. I selected my friends based on who would be a “yes” man.
Nowadays, I have little use for my younger self other than to be a shining example of what I should not be. And, that is a part of growing up and maturing. And, as I’ve matured, I’ve learned who I should and should not surround myself with. My true friends are those who have told me the truth, who have been honest with me, regardless of whether I’m validated or not. I would much rather have a friend that tells it to me straight rather than a friend that is too afraid to be honest.
The best friend I have, although we rarely talk anymore (we both have busy lives), is the most honest person I can think of. There are areas where we agree and areas where we disagree. Actually, the more accurate phrasing might be that we have areas where we can disagree. My friend group is not dependent on whether we agree or disagree. It is dependent on whether we can be honest with each other or not. Honesty is what matters most to me now as I reach the ripe old age of 39.
I can have as my friend the person who disagrees with me in everything, even the most important things, so long as we can be honest about it. If they disagree with me in any way, I want them to tell me about it. If they can just be honest, and at times tell me the hard truths I need to hear, then I can be happy with those who I surround myself with. What I have little time for are those who hide behind euphemisms and such. Give it to me straight. I can handle it now, even the things that at one point I would have found so infuriating or offensive.
There was once a time when someone might criticize my appearance. And yes, some people can be mean or at least have ill intent with their words. But there were also plenty of those who were simply honest. “Man, you look like shit!” Well, if we had a smartphone at that time to capture the occasion, perhaps I really did look like “shit,” and I wish I could go back in time and say, “thanks! I appreciate it!” Because perhaps that person did not intend to offend, but was rather concerned and handled it in the only way they knew how at the time. Perhaps I’m just too optimistic in that regard, but if that’s the case, let me be optimistic. There are few things to be optimistic about in today’s world, and I’ll take it where I can get it.
